The Last Friday

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The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


4 posters

    Poking Around

    tsukany
    tsukany
    tsukany


    Posts : 927
    Join date : 2011-05-21
    • Post n°1

    Poking Around Empty Poking Around

    Post  tsukany Sat Apr 29, 2017 6:03 pm

    Picture This
    “. . . the change we want . . . .”

    Six children sit in a booth
    at a rally before they march
    into DC to protest
    the temperature of the planet.  

    Four smart phones shine light on youthful faces.  
    Two adults, with drivers licenses,
    hem in the troupe.  Ms. Doe seals the moment
    in her Android.  Mother Teresa framed

    to the wall, Ghandi and the Streep
    share a worldly smile with Nelson
    and the great King steps up to the mic.

    --T.A. Sukany 29 April 2017
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    dennis 2012
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    dennis 2012
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    • Post n°2

    Poking Around Empty Racin' with the wind

    Post  dennis 2012 Sat Apr 29, 2017 9:40 pm

    And the feelin' that I'm under...  I can easily follow the progression in this poem.  I know this would be what would happen in reality. The pictures, I mean, but (and this is tsukany original) it would be so much tighter if you leave out the  middle stanza.  You would have the faction without the human distraction.  It would all be right up there on the big screen and the kids in the back seat eating popcorn.  Good poem.
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    Karen
    Karen
    Karen


    Posts : 320
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 70
    Location : North Little Rock
    • Post n°3

    Poking Around Empty Re: Poking Around

    Post  Karen Mon May 01, 2017 8:23 pm

    I would alter nothing about the arrangement of this poem. 

    I love the progression, the feel, the message.

    But ... I would ask you to Google the quote and consider.  I did because I couldn't remember the author.  I was surprised at what I found.
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    Pat
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    Pat


    Posts : 1167
    Join date : 2011-09-12
    • Post n°4

    Poking Around Empty I can picture it.

    Post  Pat Tue May 02, 2017 12:12 pm

    Every generation will take our words and do something with them.  Especially if we write them or if we are famous.  Wow!  Interesting.  I like each stanza as it is.  Easy to follow. 

    This reminds me of Thomas Lux's satirical poetry.  Well done. . . .
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    Dewell H. Byrd
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    Dewell H. Byrd


    Posts : 385
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 93
    Location : Central Point, OR
    • Post n°5

    Poking Around Empty Poking Around

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd Wed May 03, 2017 4:51 pm

    Very modern... technoligiiicly correct.
    I follow the images easily.  Well done... thanks for offering it.
    Makes me want to write about protests Portland.
    Dewell
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    • Post n°6

    Poking Around Empty Re: Poking Around

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