The Last Friday

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The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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Interesting? What about the title?

tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21

Interesting?  What about the title? Empty Interesting? What about the title?

Post  tsukany Fri Jul 26, 2019 6:22 pm

As the Fog Lifts

I dreamt of reading the poetry journal, you know,
the famous one with all the glitz. I found the page
with my poem.  No wait.  Cold sweat of lies.  

Here's the real reason:  That one time
when reading through five or six Kooser poems,
I scrolled down to find the advance arrow once again,

and there on that page, my name, forever lost
in the mist of “whoever fully reads the next poem
after a healthy dose of the good stuff”?

--T.A. Sukany 05 Jul 2019
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Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12

Interesting?  What about the title? Empty Todd's fog

Post  Pat Sat Jul 27, 2019 12:46 pm

Love the 3rd line.  
Kooser's is the good stuff.  Yours, in the mist ….
I get it.
Comparing, and you came up short, in your opinion.  
Like me comparing with Lucille Clifton, Emily Dickinson, Kooser.  
Actually I like the poem, 3-line stanzas.  It breathes well.
I understand and I am certainly not bored by the text.
Title fits.
I don't see anything to fix, and I did not have to labor over it.
Good job!

Todd, would you check the date on HOME?  Thanks.
renee.barger
renee.barger


Posts : 218
Join date : 2016-09-17

Interesting?  What about the title? Empty A little confused by details but not the overall message

Post  renee.barger Mon Aug 05, 2019 2:58 pm

I think I'm confused because I haven't read a poetry journal, and I should. (Still on my list to do.)

In case it helps though, I thought I'd share where my mind went. 

In the first stanza, I was imagining a physical copy. I read "glitz" as a gold glitter cover, although I kinda doubt poetry journals have glitter. Smile

Stanza two, I'm reading online, but I didn't know I was reading online until line 3 of stanza 2. I then worried I missed something earlier since I wasn't reading a physical copy after all. (Or is this two different times I'm reading??)

But I think I get the message, especially after I read Pat's response. (And I think I've read a few poems of your poems where the speaker feels like a fake/wanna-be, so I was wondering if that's what this poem was at the end of Stanza 1.) So I think the only thing that stumped me was knowing was whether I was reading physical or online. 

I've always admired how you use amazing punctuation and where you split up stanzas. I love that you split up the sentence at stanza 2 and 3 up in the middle of a stanza! It feels gutsy since I'm not used to writing that way, but I hope I can be more confident and a better writer like you one day!


Last edited by renee.barger on Mon Aug 05, 2019 2:59 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : clarifying)

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