The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    they would have you believe

    Share

    Guest
    Guest

    they would have you believe

    Post  Guest on Mon Aug 01, 2011 1:11 am

    they would have you believe



    the confession

    bears the marks

    of a forced entry



    the locked door

    opened by the virtue

    of its broken hinges


    Last edited by Cindy on Mon Aug 01, 2011 1:24 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : typos)
    avatar
    tsukany

    Posts : 600
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    they would have you believe

    Post  tsukany on Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:35 am

    they would have you believe



    the confession

    bears the marks

    of a forced entry



    the locked door

    opened by the virtue

    of its broken hinges


    Nice comparison of hinges and confessions

    Velvet F

    Posts : 12
    Join date : 2011-05-22

    Re: they would have you believe

    Post  Velvet F on Wed Aug 17, 2011 10:04 pm

    they would have you believe



    the confession

    bears the marks

    of a forced entry



    the locked door

    opened by the virtue

    of its broken hinges



    This is powerful for just 6 lines. You say so much in the short poem. Think about deleting "the" in 2nd line and "a" in 3rd line. I think that would give it more punch.

    Guest
    Guest

    Re: they would have you believe

    Post  Guest on Sun Aug 21, 2011 9:28 pm

    Thanks for your suggestions, Velvet. I was trying to balance the sounds between stanzas and the line lengths. I wanted the poem to be shaped like a door. I'm not sure that works but that was one of the things I was trying to do.

    Sponsored content

    Re: they would have you believe

    Post  Sponsored content


      Current date/time is Tue Aug 14, 2018 1:41 am