The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Enough assonance?

    Share
    avatar
    tsukany

    Posts : 600
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Enough assonance?

    Post  tsukany on Fri Aug 28, 2015 6:15 am

    What about Headlines?

    The top of the Bradford Pear
    at the end of the street is blushing.

    It’s nowhere near the shade
    of the Flag drooping,

    lazy on its string,
    on this windless evening.  

    But I notice them both
    and recall that

    even those not wise in Your word
    can read signs.

    --Todd Sukany 27 Aug 2015

    Pat

    Posts : 642
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Headlines

    Post  Pat on Sat Aug 29, 2015 4:02 pm

    Just want to say where I paused:  the Flag (why caps?)  American flag?  Helps clarify.

    This hits me as capturing a moment in time. 
    Headlines:  signaling, top of the news.  Opposite of lazy flag.  Reading the news/signs of the times.  Anyone can tell that something is coming. 
    Last line brings me back to the title.  Good way to do that. 

    Assonance?  I don't see much of the same vowel sounds. . . 2 or 3, but it's a short poem. Probably enough for some of us.

    Your poem is deep.  I like it.

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 360
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    Head-lines or Headlines

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat Aug 29, 2015 4:17 pm

    Poem strikes me as Biblical... the cap on Your...  could use some more sound... the visual is very strong for me... Poem is brief, to the point, yet leaves room for me... I see Main Street in "To Kill A Mockingbird."   That stillness and expectance keep me coming back to this poem.  Dewell
    avatar
    Karen

    Posts : 294
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: Enough assonance?

    Post  Karen on Sat Aug 29, 2015 8:15 pm

    Brevity: 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.  Only two images, both well-sketched, and an observation.  When I read one of your poems, I want to take the pruning shears to my own.

    I was put off a bit by the cap on Flag.  I don't think you need more assonance.  There was little, but I didn't miss it.

    Dennis 20
    Guest

    sizzling set of seven seems silly

    Post  Dennis 20 on Mon Aug 31, 2015 10:05 pm

    Todd,  I think we tend to read things and not really notice small detail and then never realizing that it is those things that make it come together. I probably would not have noticed had you not asked.  I too wonder about the cap for flag. I love the pic of unflurling white of Bradford pear.  I think they are beautiful in bloom and that is what captures my thoughts here.  I like it that we all read the same poem and see so many things.  You did good.

    Sponsored content

    Re: Enough assonance?

    Post  Sponsored content


      Current date/time is Thu Aug 16, 2018 2:54 am