Enough assonance?

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Enough assonance?

Post  tsukany on Fri Aug 28, 2015 6:15 am

What about Headlines?

The top of the Bradford Pear
at the end of the street is blushing.

It’s nowhere near the shade
of the Flag drooping,

lazy on its string,
on this windless evening.  

But I notice them both
and recall that

even those not wise in Your word
can read signs.

--Todd Sukany 27 Aug 2015
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Headlines

Post  Pat on Sat Aug 29, 2015 4:02 pm

Just want to say where I paused:  the Flag (why caps?)  American flag?  Helps clarify.

This hits me as capturing a moment in time. 
Headlines:  signaling, top of the news.  Opposite of lazy flag.  Reading the news/signs of the times.  Anyone can tell that something is coming. 
Last line brings me back to the title.  Good way to do that. 

Assonance?  I don't see much of the same vowel sounds. . . 2 or 3, but it's a short poem. Probably enough for some of us.

Your poem is deep.  I like it.

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Head-lines or Headlines

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat Aug 29, 2015 4:17 pm

Poem strikes me as Biblical... the cap on Your...  could use some more sound... the visual is very strong for me... Poem is brief, to the point, yet leaves room for me... I see Main Street in "To Kill A Mockingbird."   That stillness and expectance keep me coming back to this poem.  Dewell

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Re: Enough assonance?

Post  Karen on Sat Aug 29, 2015 8:15 pm

Brevity: 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.  Only two images, both well-sketched, and an observation.  When I read one of your poems, I want to take the pruning shears to my own.

I was put off a bit by the cap on Flag.  I don't think you need more assonance.  There was little, but I didn't miss it.

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sizzling set of seven seems silly

Post  Dennis 20 on Mon Aug 31, 2015 10:05 pm

Todd,  I think we tend to read things and not really notice small detail and then never realizing that it is those things that make it come together. I probably would not have noticed had you not asked.  I too wonder about the cap for flag. I love the pic of unflurling white of Bradford pear.  I think they are beautiful in bloom and that is what captures my thoughts here.  I like it that we all read the same poem and see so many things.  You did good.

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