ALMOST.....

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ALMOST.....

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Thu Jul 27, 2017 5:32 pm

I am conflicted poem.  Don't know whatat tth

 DARN!!!  SITEWONT ' LET ME WORK IN IT!!!
D.

Dewell H. Byrd

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ALMOST....

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Thu Jul 27, 2017 9:03 pm

       ALMOST

 

I smile when I think of you

       So close

       Almost

So very, very  close

 

I sigh when I remember

       Almost

       That close

Desire sweeps my dreams

 

You reach for my hand

        Standing

        So near

And I catch my breath

 

I hunger for your love

         Looking

         Longing

Searching, sharing, sighing

 

Rings bind us apart

         So close

         Almost

Echoes in my heart

Dewell H. Byrd

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I's sure you intended it

Post  tsukany on Fri Jul 28, 2017 9:29 am

Dewell

I was expecting ALMOST to appear in each stanza.  I am sure you intentionally did NOT do that.  Why?

I like the play that ALMOST does in each stanza.  Because it can modify forward and backward, its meaning shifts.  I like that in a poem.

"Rings that bind us apart"  WOW!  that is a killer clincher line for me.  Love it and envy that.


ALMOST

I smile when I think of you
       So close
       Almost
So very, very  close

I sigh when I remember
       Almost
       That close
Desire sweeps my dreams

You reach for my hand
        Standing
        So near
And I catch my breath

I hunger for your love
         Looking
         Longing
Searching, sharing, sighing

Rings bind us apart
         So close
         Almost
Echoes in my heart
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tsukany

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Love is a burning thing

Post  Dennis 2012 on Fri Jul 28, 2017 2:21 pm

Dewell,  Wow!  This poem has a powerful "ring" to it.  Years make these sorts of feelings possible. I think the last line seals it.  This poem also has symmetry which makes it appealing.  Good job.

Dennis 2012
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Re: ALMOST.....

Post  Karen on Sat Jul 29, 2017 7:31 pm

I may still be under the influence of Todd's brevity, but try this cut.

ALMOST

 

 I smile when I think of you

        So close

        Almost

 So very, very  close

  

I sigh when I remember

        Almost

        That close

 Desire sweeps my dreams

  

Rings bind us apart

          So close

          Almost

 Echoes in my heart

And yes, rings bind us apart is the phrase that pays.
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Re: ALMOST.....

Post  Karen on Sat Jul 29, 2017 7:39 pm

Well flitter.  I should have previewed.  My original post shows up dark font on dark background on my screen.

Take 2:

I may still be under the influence of Todd's brevity, but try this cut.

     ALMOST

I smile when I think of you
     So close
     Almost
So very, very close

I sigh when I remember
     Almost
     That close
Desire sweeps my dreams

Rings bind us apart
      So close
      Almost
Echoes in my heart

And yes, rings bind us apart is the phrase that pays.
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Almost

Post  Pat on Sun Jul 30, 2017 2:47 pm

Dewell, I'm sorry you are struggling with your computer.  Hand in there.

Here what I have for you:  I vote for putting almost in each stanza because that's what's on your mind.  But because of that, I would look for a new title.  

4th Stanza:  telling and not needed.

My fav:  rings binding us apart line.   Those opposites, powerful.

Great!

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Re: ALMOST.....

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