Another Mother

How about the poetics....any suggestions?  (real life story, of course.)


Another Mother

 My oldest son
asks if I’ll drop him at the mall,
a place where his friends
hang out.

 He asks the same week
my client confessed to
shoplifting
with her friends
until she got caught.

 I say no to my son.

 He tells me
I am different
from every other mother
on the planet.
His comment lingers in the air.
I silently blame
my counseling role.

I look at him and agree,
“It’s true.
I am different
from every other mother
on the planet.”

One day he may figure out
I want to be a mother
living in another galaxy.

I like your juxtaposition.  I would change confessed to confesses, keep the poem in the present.

A thought on poetics.  Would you consider distilling the last three stanza into one?

He tells me
I am different
from every other mother
on the planet.
It’s true.
I want to be a mother
living in another galaxy.

This poem works for me.

Pat

I believe Karen has strengthened the poem in the same place I desired (she did it with skill).

I believe a place for music is finding "hang out" and "mall" ringing together.  "Hang out" may be dated.

I wanted the poem to expand to every mother and I believe Karen's revision satisfies that in me.

I am not sure of the "counseling role" line and it's focus on the persona.

Well done

Todd

3rd time to try to show you the outcome.  When I delete spaces, it goes all goes away.  So this time, you have to read it with spaces.  I want to send it.  So, I like it distilled.  Very much.  Got rid of counselor too.  Yea!  I couldn't figure out what to do with that.  I think hang out is still the "in" word but I will run it past grandsons and niece.  : )  Here it is with spaces.  Thank you!!!!  Dennis and Dewell, jump in on this one.


Another Mother

 

My oldest son

asks if I’ll drop him at the mall,

a place where his friends

hang out.

 

He asks the same week

my client confesses to

shoplifting at the mall

with her friends

until she got caught.

 

I say no to my son.

 

He tells me

I am different

from every other mother

on the planet.

It’s true.

I want to be a mother

living in another galaxy.

Nice revision... has some direct simplicity I didn't find in the original version.
Consider... all the other mothers instead of every other mother.

Good work.  Dewell

Would you look at the last stanza now?  That was his meaning and perhaps his exact words.  : )


He tells me

I am different

from all the other mothers

on the planet.

It’s true.

I want to be a mother

living in another galaxy.

Pat

It seems like the poem's ending take us to impossibility.  I think the poem is nestled deeply in reality.

Todd

When a mother is worn out and gets blamed/shamed by a teen and can't share why because it's confidential, she wants to run away.  It is a fantasy she will not act on, but she wants to disappear.  Just to click a button and go.  She is not wanting to give up motherhood, but she wants a break and no more pressure of such decision-making. It's a quiet thing.  (I have heard so many women say, I want to run away.   

What word is not here?  Is it "she imagines..."? The reality is in the wanting to run, to leave, to be elsewhere.  Not possible, but wanting to run anyway. thanks for continuing to help me with this.
--------------------

Also, I am looking for a home (journal) for a LONG poem (90 lines or so).  Anybody know a good journal that likes long poems?  Most like short ones.  I have ordered Georgia Review and Gettysburg Review, thinking one of them might consider the poem I won an award with.  Do you guys have thoughts on this?  Suggestions?  

I'll send a couple of short poems with the long one. 

thank you!

what you were saying about impossibility and reality.     Reread it.     Okay.  Thanks for energy on this poem.

Pat

Pat,   When you dropped Counselor it opened it up to a larger field.  See, now it could be lawyers or bankers, or any number of people with clients.  I like that and yes, it paints the picture of concern which is wrapped up in the profession of (the) mother.  Clients have needs and need personal attention as do kids.  Sorry, didn't mean to get in the weeds with this, but I think the more impersonal we make our poetry the more personal it becomes to someone out there.
I like the pic it paints.

Dennis

Good to see you here,  Dennis.