The Last Friday

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The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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Not sure title is helpful

tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21

Not sure title is helpful Empty Not sure title is helpful

Post  tsukany Fri Jul 30, 2021 5:14 pm

Outside City Limits

Like the time I was pulled over--
middle child in the passenger seat, 
sitting on his hands, not moving, 
as he’d been instructed.  

Our ‘88 red Chevy Nova, 
like no va in Spanish, was going nowhere.  

My hands were on the steering wheel, 
ten and two, as I’d been instructed, 
and my window was wide open. 

I watched the officer approach 
in the driver’s side mirror and
turned to face his revolver.  

He instructed son number two 
to show his hands, 
slowly.  He did as instructed 

as I produced registration 
and proof of insurance.  
The officer had stopped us,
as instructed, for suspicion 
of a red car hauling 
thieves out of town.  

He was sure we were not the crooks
but he had to check.  We listened 
to his story and then moved on 
down the road, as instructed.

--Todd Sukany 12 Jul 2021
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Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12

Not sure title is helpful Empty Oh how cute!

Post  Pat Fri Jul 30, 2021 8:44 pm

I can surely use this one right now.    I had 4 yellowjacket stings an hour ago.  Soooo, I'll get back to you on this one. . . .and on your comments on my poem.  I can do nothing tonight.  They got me on hands a foot!  Little flying devils. . . and they are beautiful when I look at them on the computer.  After dark, dark, Jimmy is going to make toast out of them.  Trying to distract from the stinging world I'm stuck in.....   Pat
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Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12

Not sure title is helpful Empty I like it.... in the background

Post  Pat Sat Jul 31, 2021 6:28 pm

I can hear the music from Dragnet:  dum da dum....in between the reading of each verse.

I love the repetition of "instructed." and "middle child/ second child."  Easy to follow.  Delightful. 

Title tends to go with "hauling thieves out of town."  and it helps us picture something other than mid-town.  So I think it fits fine.... says where you were.  

Jimmy once had a Chevy Nova.  Smile    Small and fun.

Pat

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