Rough yet heartfelt

I've really missed the poetry forum group and had been looking forward to January's forum. I hope I'm not too late. I didn't come up with anything until I had to write a big emotion out. It's rough, but I thought it would be good to get feedback so I can figure out where to go from here.

The White and Blue Stick


I can't move on yet
from the footstool my four year old uses to reach the bathroom sink.
I read two words, not one.
Dirty words are three letters, not four. 
N-O-T
changes everything and nothing. 
______
Renee V. Barger

February 1, 2022

Renee

Actually a couple glads:  1. GLAD you've returned 2. wonderful poem

The sads are two as well:  1:  the meaning of the poem.  I am sorry.  2.  The long second line.  Because it is so long and contains an actor (albeit not actually present), my attention is drawn to process the poem as about the four-year-old.  I wonder if the line can be broken into several lines.

Thanks again for sharing so much in so few words.

Todd

Thank you for both the sympathy and also the feedback. It was uplifting. I could tell the second line was a problem but, in the moment, couldn't determine what to do with it. I think one of the big things I've learned here is that short poems need only one actor. I had forgotten that as I was looking at the poem. Thanks for the reminder. I'll remember it while writing one of these days.

I couldn't figure out how to make the second line make sense, so I cut it and added a couple of words to the title. I'm attempting to create an image of a woman sitting alone in the bathroom. But maybe that doesn't matter or doesn't need to be in this poem? I wanted to show not tell, but I don't know if I'm accomplishing that either. I guess I'm a bit rusty.



Staring at the White and Blue Stick


I can't move on yet
I read two words, not one.
Dirty words are three letters, not four. 
N-O-T
changes everything and nothing. 
______
Renee V. Barger

February 1, 2022

Renee,
Happy to have you back.  
I hear you. Sometimes we get stuck, especially in relationships, parenting, stages, grief, whatever.
I love the last 3 lines...I can relate.  
I can relate.

Line one may be the beginning of another poem???

Editing-- just part of it. Kooser said, "Oh i have to edit each poem about 40 times."  Can you imagine!