The Last Friday

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The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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A Triumphal Entry

tsukany
tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21
  • Post n°1

A Triumphal Entry Empty A Triumphal Entry

Post  tsukany Tue Aug 22, 2023 7:06 am

A Triumphal Entry
And the ones going ahead and the ones following were crying-out “Hosanna! Blessed is the One coming in the name of the Lord. -- Mark 11:9 DLNT

Masses, moving in unison,
like reading a musical score
shouted, bellowed above
the dust and drudge of another 
waltz into town. 

Those in front of the Spotlight 
opened the overture in blessing.  
Those who formed the encore 
never quite got past an ear-cracking
“Hosanna,” offered in three-part harmony
or mid-afternoon monotone chant.

–Todd Sukany 21 Aug 2023
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Pat
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Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12
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A Triumphal Entry Empty So little to fix.

Post  Pat Wed Aug 23, 2023 12:16 pm

I had never heard of DLNT, so I looked it up and read that scripture. Good information. I like the literal translation! Epigraph needs closing quote marks.

I like the comparison with musical/ waltz.  Truly.

another waltz into town or another waltz in town or another waltzing into town?

Loved the encore and before the Spotlight.  Smile Location.  And He was the Spotlight. I don't think I've ever heard it worded that way before.  Wonderful.

The crying-out of the last 4 lines.  I can't imagine how you might improve them.  

Wow!  Thank you!  I was blessed by this.
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