Commute Carnage

Commute Carnage
"Which is easier to say …?"  Mark 2:9

Jesus is first to arrive 
at the mangled wreck.  
Car parts strewn across I-95.
Windshield glass sparkling
in midday sun.  Air bags deflated 
from the lengthy skid to a stop.
 
Now human blood pools 
into a stream cutting 
the yellow caution stripe. 
Oil and gasoline mix 
into a flambe, smoldering 
and drawing attention. 
A whisper rises above
the approaching alarm. 

–Todd Sukany 19 Sep 2023

I like the epigraph. It took me the scripture, of course.

The title fits.  Alliterative too.

Line 1:  very good.
In first stanza, you have subject, adjective. Again and again.  Wonder if you might do that all the way through. It is effective.  

Car parts strewn, ... windshield glass sparkling...air bags deflated...pavement skidded...  ???

I checked flambe, thinking it had an acute accent.  Both ways are good.   I think the flambe and smoldering would draw attention.  Here's another choice.

...flambe and smolder, 
drawing attention. 

Whisper!  Yes....

Nice work.

Pat

Excellent observations.  I hope I have the skills to implement!!!!

Bless you

Todd

I look forward to your revision.  
I will choose a poem tomorrow and send it.
Meanwhile, I am taking Mucinex for a seasonal cold. Yucky stuff.  
Pat

Commute Carnage
"Which is easier to say …?"  Mark 2:9

Jesus is first to arrive 
    at the mangled wreck.  

Car parts strewn across I-95.
  Windshield glass sparkling 
   in midday sun. Air bags deflated
from the lengthy skid to a stop. Now

human blood pools into a stream 
  cutting the yellow caution stripe. 
   Radial tires cease their turns.
Unholy fluids smolder into flambé. 

A whisper rises above 
    the approaching alarm. 

–Todd Sukany 19 Sep 2023

radial tires and unholy fluids... good additions.
Also like the new format.

The alarm is sirens, right??

flambe made me think of food, so I don't miss it here.

Stronger poem:  

I love the process of editing... just seeing the changes that can happen.