The Last Friday

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The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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In the Great Field

tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21

In the Great Field Empty In the Great Field

Post  tsukany Tue Oct 31, 2023 9:55 am

In the Great Field

Several steps into the shadows 
of the forest, a mushroom, (popped 

up apparently overnight), is lifted 
and sacked.  Line drawn tight 

against the fight, (the bait 
of false promise), an angler 

cranks a prize to the bank, 
deposits the treasure, 

and snaps the lid.  No more than clutter, 
a stone, (pointed from previous encounters), 

stands out from its peers.  Once, 
a while back, a son leaned 

onto a tree, refused some drink, 
and waited three days.

–Todd Sukany 30 Oct 2023
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Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12

In the Great Field Empty Deep stuff....

Post  Pat Wed Nov 01, 2023 10:20 am

if I'm understanding it correctly.

Here's my thinking:

In the Great Field sounds like the universe or earth to me.
Story of Jesus coming and Jesus on the cross???

S 1:  At first I didn't know whether "Several steps"  was a noun and verb OR adjective and noun.  I'm now taking it as the latter.  Into the shadows:  darkness where mushrooms or white beauty pop up.  Lifted and sacked.  I take sacked as a safe-keeping place, protection. Dark days were when Jesus was crucified, too. So sacked can mean lifted to the cross to be killed.
S 2: I wonder if you need "apparently"
S3: Line drawn tight:  boundaries, a fight, sounds to me like battle between heaven and hell, God and Satan. Or is it an internal battle?  False promises are lies. I also thought of Pharisees.
Angler:  Jesus?  
S 4 prize.  trophy, treasure...Is that Jesus reeling in an apostle? Peter?
S 5:  I think of clutter as possibly nonbelievers.  Then there was a stone that stands out.  Peter? Petra. Previous encounters...he grew under the tutelage of Jesus...
S6: Stands out from other disciples.
S7:  A son, Jesus...the cross of redemption...3 days before declaring He's alive.
??????

Couplets.  Perfect format for this poem.  They let me take the meaning in slowly....

Wow!  This is deep and multi-layered.
tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21

In the Great Field Empty a Revision

Post  tsukany Wed Nov 01, 2023 12:09 pm

In the Great Field

I.

A walker takes several steps into the shadows 
of the forest, a mushroom, (popped 
up apparently overnight), is lifted 
and sacked. 

II.

Line drawn tight 
against the fight, (the bait 
of false promise), an angler 
cranks a prize to the bank, 
deposits the treasure, 
and snaps the lid.  

III.

No more than clutter, 
a stone, (sharp from previous encounters), 
stands out from its peers.  

IV.

Once, 
a while back, a son leaned 
onto a tree, refused some drink, 
and waited three days.

–Todd Sukany 30 Oct 2023
avatar
Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12

In the Great Field Empty Oh my goodness.

Post  Pat Wed Nov 01, 2023 4:30 pm

One thing is not running into the next thing.
It matters. 
It gives my mind time to think on that one thing at a time.
I like the breaks, the numbers.  Yes.
Thanks for sharing... Wow! Format.

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