On One Side

On One Side

All of us enter the double-wide 
vessel the same way.  Some move 
to the right and others sit left.  

The captain shouts above the waves
that slap the surface of the boat.  Every-
one is comfortable until the orders get too 

close to the heart and require action, 
movement.  Soon the port benches 
are stacked precariously high.

–Todd Sukany 04 Dec 2023

I was so full of doubt that I read it aloud to Jimmy.  He says port side is the Left.  Starboard side is the Right. That helped me, unless I'm totally off-base. 

S 1:  I looked hard at "move" and "sit"  I don't think you need "and";  I'd put a comma there: 
"right, others sit left."  
Movement is to the right, but others have chosen the left.

S 2: I'd change "that slap" to "slapping...".

S 3:  "orders get too close to the heart (plays on feeling place) and action is required..."  No more thinking?  Just feeling stuff?  Soon the port (Left) benches are too high, a rocking of the boat?  Danger! Something will happen!  Capsizing of the boat. 

Comfortable probably means there's some balance on the vessel moving through the water? Just rocking along...

Whew!  You ARE thinking deep today!  Reporting the way it is.... 

Good title, good poem.  Good Work!

Maybe a clue in the title or one line might help me.  

Tiny gateway?  

Is everyone facing North? Then Port side turns?

Is there a place for the word "obedience" to the Captain (I take that to be Jesus) ?

Does 'comfortable' or 'lonely' lead to following a crowd?  Maybe you need the word "crowd" or "crowding to the left" ?  Hey! What about:  "Everyone keeping to himself, ..."  A Contrast to crowding....??

Other options for last line:
Soon the music sounds off-key.
Or
Soon some of us see
port benches are stacked....

(That's me, wanting a little hope to be added...) 

Also, I think of Jesus in the boat here with disciples fishing.  They followed Him, though they did not understand at the time.  Another trip on water, Peter and Jesus.... where Peter takes his eyes off of Jesus and sinks momentarily.

That's all I've got, but Todd, it is a memorable image.  I immediately went to pilgrim ships like the Mayflower... the division of classes.  So much comes up with such an image.  

If you try another version, I want to see it.  
Something here that's unforgettable.  Do not dump the poem.
Pat