The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 382
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 88
    Location : Central Point, OR


    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Thu Mar 28, 2013 3:25 pm

    Just another love poem... maybe you can help me make something of it. This poem looks like I have regressed to my early writings... eleven years ago.


    The way of the wind

    on a warm rainy night

    moans memories down my lane

    The say of the wind

    in the mouth of the night

    scrapes branches on my window pane

    The sway of the wind

    in the dark of the night

    sings lullabies to pillow ears

    The lay of the wind

    in the shank of the night

    soothes my heart and steals my tears

    The whispering wind

    in the silence of the night

    haunts my empty, lonely arms.

    -Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 690
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    the wind poem

    Post  Pat on Sun Mar 31, 2013 11:04 pm

    Just a general thought, Dewell: I had a hard time getting into the poem: seemed generalized until I got to the last stanza.

    Thoughts: stanza 1: maybe name a memory it brings to you; Stanza 2: the say. . . . hmmm. . . . I thought it'd be scary until you knew what it was? or a whoosh sound? as is, it's telling; S 3: I take it as pleasant. Pillow ears means you are resting? that's how I took it; S 4: the lay of the wind (stillness?) near the end of the night? Am I understanding this? calms and soothes. If so, I don't understand the mention of tears unless you are really not happy, but the wind brings some comfort. Maybe I need a little more info. It feels general. Not exposing much except the wind varies. I need more clues. Guessing. Then, the last stanza makes it clearer. Wonder what would happen if the last stanza became the first? Then, I'd know you are lonely. . . . and maybe a memory would be easy to name or the rub of the branch would mean more to the reader. Are you awake all night listening to the different types of wind music? Lonely sounds strong to me. I wonder if you could make the wind lonely too, maybe seeking? Moaning, blowing, lulling, etc sounds. Dewell, could the poet admit at the beginning about lonely? Then maybe let the wind show the feelings in its creative ways. It would be a deductive approach rather than inductive . . . . it would keep me more curious if I knew the poet was lonely or whatever his feeling is. All you'd have to say is : Tonight I'm lonely. . . . or Awake, I lie here lonely and listening. . . . and take off. Not sure if this is helpful or not. Just ignore me if it does not fit. Pat

    Posts : 626
    Join date : 2011-05-21


    Post  tsukany on Mon Apr 01, 2013 7:26 pm

    I wonder does the poem move past a description of the persona's experience? I am with Pat...that last stanza has something in it. What exactly are you trying to help me (reader) experience?

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