Looking for reaction

Difficult Times Ahead

Hypocrisy sits shotgun on the drive
into the city.  Traffic is light today. 

The rhythmic ka-chunk of pavement-seams
strum their sad saga of dawn fading.

No words are exchanged.
No songs harmonized in agonizing duet.

The work computer sits, a snake on the desk,
awaiting its pounding--an uncoiling of poetry. 

Task for today? Strong literary retorts
o’er the nature of Mary Oliver.

--T.A. Sukany 19 Apr 2019

As usual, I don't have any criticism, but I thought I would write out my thoughts in case it helps. If not, take it with a grain of salt.

I loved the first two stanzas so much. I've tried to explain the sound of pavement-seams before, but you did way better than I ever achieved. I loved it. 

I'm a little lost on how stanza 3 fits in. 

At first, I wasn't sure if I liked that the computer was compared to a snake, but I rationalized it that the snake could bite at the pounding? (By the way, I loved the choice of the word "pounding." Pounding on a keyboard or pounding like beating up the computer.)

So, the overall message that I took was that even though the drive into work went well, writing poetry can be a struggle. I hope I was close to what you meant.

Difficult Times Ahead.    Yep.   I thought of Adam and Eve and serpent.  The day ahead.  Mary Oliver's 'nature".   Also, The addictiveness of the computer.   Get out of here so I can get my work done!   Love the sounds on the pavement.  Sad saga of dawn fading....of the beginning of light?  of beginning?   No words. No songs.  Maybe it's the beginning after Eden....  how sad, how grievous  that had to have been.  Temptations still there....  and work is always there.   Uncoiling of poetry.    Love that.  Like a temptation.  There's work and then there' poetry?  Task.  Retort on nature of Oliver:   double meaning.  

I think this may be your best.   I find nothing to torture you about.  It's universal and works on more than one level.  Nice. 

Like Renee, I don't know if I'm close or not.  It works for me, the reader.  So hey, it's great.

Difficult Times Ahead

From the country, no words are exchanged.
No songs harmonized in agonizing duet.

Hypocrisy sits shotgun on the drive
into the city.  Traffic is light today. 

The rhythmic ka-chunk of pavement-seams
strum their sad saga of dawn fading.

At work, the work computer sits, a snake on the desk,
awaiting its pounding--an uncoiling of poetry. 

Task for today? Strong literary retorts
o’er the nature of Mary Oliver.

--T.A. Sukany 19 Apr 2019

I love it! The reorder of stanzas flow perfectly for me! Love it!

Renee and Pat

I owe ya on this one.  Your keen eyes helped me see.  

Pat I hope you can see more clearly the picture I'm presenting.

Todd

Yes, I understand this version better.

All in how we start?

I can hear hypocrisy easier in this version.

Thank you for country, no songs, etc in S1.
Now I'm ready for the city, for work, for your desk, for the retorts, for the computer wanting to be pounded.  For the snaky things and how they find their ways into our hours.  
Well done.  

Somehow it is less general.
I can follow it easily.
Retorts...where will that happen?  in class?  Not on computer, right?  
Your poetry on the computer, right?  

Your reader might not know you are a teacher.  Could add "in class" at the end of next to last line.  IF that's how you mean it.

Title, perfect.  The snake and uncoiling from you---great.