Struggling with line breaks and a fat headache (weather). Title, okay?

Another Part of the Story

If this were my final week, 
and the doctor told me 
to put my affairs in order,

I might just let my affairs go hang.
After all, my husband
eventually would tend the bills,

banking, house, and whatever else
I’d be leaving behind. My eyes 
might rest on the red cannas

standing proud and tall.
Or I’d peer into the towering maple,
the one which faithfully gives shade

in summer and gold in autumn
before bidding us adieu,
or maybe I’d sit on the porch

and watch a spider weave her net
across the top step.  Like her,
my needs would be slight. 

It’s likely I’d lean in toward the sky 
of cobblestone clouds, foreshadowing 
my way to future days.

Sorry to hear about your headache.
What a beautiful poem! It flowed so well, and I loved the three line stanzas. I didn’t trip over words once.
The only thing I’m not sure if I get is the title, but I feel like my mind isn’t fully here.

Pat

Each time I read the poem, I start with the word "As."  "As if this were..."  I think that element of immediacy is powerful.  

I am not sure why the husband enters the poem.

The ending seems like one is stretching for meaning rather than suggesting, in concrete terms, what would be done if this were the last days. ". . . foreshadowing my way to future days"  seems abstract.  What are you trying to say?

I have to agree with Renee about the title.  Not sure what it does for the reader.

Todd

exactly what I needed to hear.  I will keep editing.  If I can manage to play with it today, I may send it back to you for more feedback.   

Thank you!  

Pat

Struggling here to get it to take the revision.  If this doesn't work, I have to move on. . . 


What’s Important in the End

If this were my final week, 
and the doctor told me 
to put my affairs in order,

I might just let my affairs go hang—
the bills, banking, house,
whatever else I’d be leaving behind.

My eyes 

might rest on the red cannas
standing tall and proud.

Or I’d peer into the towering maple,
the one which faithfully gives shade
in summer and gold in autumn


before bidding us adieu,

or maybe I’d sit on the porch
and watch a spider weave her net


across the top step.  Like her,

my needs would be slight. Like her,
I’d likely keep my rituals.

The only thing I miss is "cobblestone clouds" but you could use that in another poem too. The image was so fun for me.

I liked the title way better. I knew what I was getting into with the poem, and your imagery is just gorgeous.

I'm not sure if it's just the formatting on my phone, but did you get rid of the 3 line stanza consistency? I kinda missed it personally.

Again, beautiful poem with beautiful imagery.

Pat

I think I'd end the poem with the line

in summer and in autumn gold.

Maybe title it "In the End"

Todd

Ooooo! I really like Todd's suggestion!

You guys.  Always helpful.
Thanks.