The Last Friday

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The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


2 posters

    Not sure about this title

    tsukany
    tsukany
    tsukany


    Posts : 927
    Join date : 2011-05-21
    • Post n°1

    Not sure about this title Empty Not sure about this title

    Post  tsukany Wed May 26, 2021 7:10 am

    and I’ll Use My Real Name

    I wish I were sharp and witty 
    and could write the wrongs 
    of these days.  I would read 

    them aloud and lives would 
    change; right would live 
    longer than rights 

    and sin would be lost like . . . 
    like booklets of paper,
    like pages of poems.  

    --Todd Sukany 15 May 2021
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    Pat
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    Pat


    Posts : 1167
    Join date : 2011-09-12
    • Post n°2

    Not sure about this title Empty I like the title.

    Post  Pat Wed May 26, 2021 9:06 am

    Good way to hold it together:  write, right, rights, 
    You are saying great things here and holding on to humility.
    I like the poem and the closing line.
    I think you might play with the next to last line.  It could be stronger, I think, and relate to the world a little more.  Like receipts? Whatever most people lose... glasses, knives, hope.

    Good job.

    I am struggling for time.  People after the pandemic.  Everyone needs to come right now!!!  Two people coming and going this week.   I am baking, and I still need to take a woman to the funeral home to make arrangements.  A promise unfulfilled, as yet.  I did manage to read Pat O's manuscript. All this to say, my poem for here may be a tad late.  Life is taking over!  That and P T.  My neck issues, which are improving.  Smile
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    Pat
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    Pat


    Posts : 1167
    Join date : 2011-09-12
    • Post n°3

    Not sure about this title Empty Another thought:

    Post  Pat Sat May 29, 2021 9:32 pm

    Next to last line:  
    What if you said,  Like scraps of paper... (I lose such things all the time.)  ???? 
    Could that fit?
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    tsukany
    tsukany
    tsukany


    Posts : 927
    Join date : 2011-05-21
    • Post n°4

    Not sure about this title Empty Sin response

    Post  tsukany Sun May 30, 2021 5:44 am

    Pat

    Thank you for your keen eye.  I am visiting family, but I will think through that line.  I wonder if the trouble is the verb?  I hope I can salvage "sin."  Lol

    Todd
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    Pat
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    Pat


    Posts : 1167
    Join date : 2011-09-12
    • Post n°5

    Not sure about this title Empty Definitely keep the sin line

    Post  Pat Sun May 30, 2021 12:47 pm

    Do not give it up.

    I sent a poem....finally. Whenever you have time, maybe this next week.
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    • Post n°6

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