The Last Friday

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The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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Looking at the title

tsukany
tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21
  • Post n°1

Looking at the title Empty Looking at the title

Post  tsukany Sun Oct 20, 2019 9:23 am

Left of Zen
“The poem itself is a gift to and from the poet”  -- Avocations Sam Hamill

Hypocrisy is so delicious.  
Morsels of gossip and ill report 
dribble from the corners of our mouths.  
Once so sweet and satisfying, 
these observations of others 
never reach the belly nor brain.

--T.A. Sukany 20 Oct 2019
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renee.barger
renee.barger
renee.barger


Posts : 218
Join date : 2016-09-17
  • Post n°2

Looking at the title Empty Half I loved, Half confused me

Post  renee.barger Sun Oct 20, 2019 8:39 pm

Thing things I loved:
The quote at the top.
The first four lines.

The things that confused me:
1. The title. 
Maybe because I don't know much about Zen. 
Also, I took "left" as left over not as left the direction.
2. The last two lines.
Not sure why it doesn't hit the belly or the brain. Maybe because it's not nourishing and instructive/productive?
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Pat
avatar
Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12
  • Post n°3

Looking at the title Empty Wow! This is tight.

Post  Pat Sat Oct 26, 2019 2:56 pm

I wanted to delete "so" a time or two, but then I counted syllables.  Wow. Clever.
So, the next to last line is 8 syllables, the rest:  9. 
Does this form have a name? It is disciplined.
So, it's not Zen.  It's to the left of it?  Out of bounds … on purpose? Smile   
By the  title, I thought, "This is for fun." Is that helpful?
Hey, I like the title.
To me, it fits the poem.
And it's a gift to you and from you. Makes me smile.
Observations of others:  they just don't get it.  (That really happens and we all go on.) 
Just my reality.  Take it lightly.
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tsukany
tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21
  • Post n°4

Looking at the title Empty Pat and Renee

Post  tsukany Wed Oct 30, 2019 3:51 pm

Thanks for the reactions.  I can't wait to grab a bit of mind space to apply your thoughts to a revision!!!

Bless you both

Todd
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  • Post n°5

Looking at the title Empty Re: Looking at the title

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