The Last Friday

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The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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Ding-Dong . . . I'm awake

tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21

Ding-Dong . . . I'm awake Empty Ding-Dong . . . I'm awake

Post  tsukany Wed May 04, 2022 8:34 am

AnnaBelle in Fair Grove

You re-enter the room 
wearing a pink bandage 
over your catheter.  You 
rest in your own bed

on the examination table, 
stainless steel and cold.  
We wait together,
this last time, your eyes 

unalarmed whiskers of peace.  
We are not startled by 
the knock on the door, 
the exchange of greetings,

the first injection, nor the last.  
I will take your bed 
and crate home 
once settle our bill.

–Todd Sukany 04 May 2022

renee.barger likes this post

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Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12

Ding-Dong . . . I'm awake Empty My immediate reaction: Surprise!

Post  Pat Wed May 04, 2022 1:34 pm

I see, I see.

I think it's a tight poem.  Universal and specific connection to readers. Visual and heart-felt.  Good title: cat's name and location. 

Todd, I was confused as I first read "your own bed/on the examination table";  I also first thought you meant whispers instead of whiskers.  But that is not what you meant at all!   

Do you need a comma after unalarmed?

Do you need a pronoun in the last line?
renee.barger
renee.barger


Posts : 218
Join date : 2016-09-17

Ding-Dong . . . I'm awake Empty sorry I'm late

Post  renee.barger Sat May 14, 2022 9:19 am

I'm so sorry I'm late to join this month. Your poem really touched me. I think everyone can understand what it's like to have to put a pet down. My only hiccup was the last line. I think I wanted "once I settle the bill" or "the bill is settled" or something like that. I really like how you end the poem with you still beside your cat but recognizing the crate and bed will be empty once you leave. Very relatable image.

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