I'm always struggling to not tell too much and report what I see....

   In the Maw of a Waterfall
 
My depth perception problems
made me snail my way
into the car wash. I put the car
in park and pointed toward
exposed plumbing on both sides.
 
Like a beast suddenly awakened,
huge brushes whirled and battered
down the sides and over the top.
My grandgirl and I were caught
in the maw of a waterfall! 
 
Without warning, suds covered windows,
blinding us to our recognizable world.
 
Though parked, the car seemed
to leap forward, side mirrors
taking slaps and whacks.
Instead of clutching her book,
closing her eyes or holding her breath,
she giggled with delight
in the midst of the thrashing.
 
We had no control. But for a moment,
we were swept away, swept away
from days she’d missed
                                         her mother.

Pat, 

Phones are all I have.

What about introducing all people in sentence one? Then change the verbs to present tense?  Then look for a "snail" word in each sentence/stanza?

Todd

Personally, I like reading a poem with good sounds and pictures. My grandgirl is adorable. Weird thing happened to me when I read the last line. Is the concept "She would miss her mom," or she had missed her mom. it's probably the latter but a second glance couldn't hurt.