Feeling obligated to offer early:

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Feeling obligated to offer early:

Post  tsukany on Thu Nov 20, 2014 6:29 pm

Looking for feedback about the ending of this shortie.




Maverick

In the days of black-and-white,
a cigar man got off the street when
the gunslinger moved his right hand
and his mouth.  One told his grand-
children stories at Christmas.

--Sukany 07 Oct 2014
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Re: Feeling obligated to offer early:

Post  Karen on Sat Nov 22, 2014 8:19 pm

I love the gotcha!
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Smile when you say that, pardner

Post  dennis20 on Sun Nov 23, 2014 4:01 pm

Todd,  It took a while to grasp the leap.Sometimes you jump too far.  I think it needs more to make the gap shorter. He might live to have grandchildren by getting off the street, but us feeble minded need help in making the connection. I may just be whinning and the others got it right off, but short can sometimes be too short.

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What is a maverick?

Post  Pat on Mon Nov 24, 2014 11:53 am

I thought I knew, but I never trust it when I wonder a bit.  A non-conformist, individualist.  Okay, so one lived.  The other one died.  That's how it went on black and white television.  I like how you dated it.  : )  I guess the gunslinger did not live.  I'm thinking the cigar man who got off the street lived to tell Christmas stories.  Did I make the leap?  Or did I miss?  Short but potent.  Syllables :   7 and 8 per line.  A picture of old cowboy movies.

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Pat and Dennis

Post  tsukany on Mon Nov 24, 2014 12:19 pm

Does it matter to you if it's an allegory or parable?  I can't (and couldn't) decide if I need(ed) to include that detail.  I wanted to hear responses first.

Thanks in advance

Todd
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I looked up both words.

Post  Pat on Mon Nov 24, 2014 12:40 pm

Looks like it fits parable:  
a short allegorical story designed to illustrate or teach some truth, religious principle or moral lesson.  A statement or comment that conveys a meaning indirectly by the use of comparison, analogy or the like.

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Thanks Pat

Post  Admin on Mon Nov 24, 2014 12:50 pm

Ok.  An allegory it is then.

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But of course, of course!

Post  Pat on Mon Nov 24, 2014 1:52 pm

Hilarious!  YOU are hilarious!

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SINGING "STREETS OF LAREDO'"

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat Nov 29, 2014 11:26 am

We have recently discovered ME cable channel with reruns of Gunsmoke, Rifleman, Bonanza, etc.  Kinda refreshing after an evening of local, regional and national news.
I like this poem! It fits right in with ME TV because it contains whatever the reader wants to see in it without ten commercials.  In some small towns of modern "frontier" the cigar man would be seen as the maverick; eg, Josephine County, Oregon has one peace officer... elected sheriff and three judges.  Meanwhile, the poem.  I'm getting interested in brevity... more, please.  Dewell

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Short Shorts

Post  tsukany on Sun Nov 30, 2014 8:26 am

Dewell

I have just finished a self-imposed seven-day, post-to-my-blog challenge.  I am not sure how long I will continue.  I posted six haiku and one skinny poem.  They are unedited (other than by my own sensibilities).  Maybe they are helpful?

http://upstarespress.com

Thanks 

Todd
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