The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Room of Friends

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    Heidi Dehn

    Posts : 6
    Join date : 2017-09-27

    Room of Friends

    Post  Heidi Dehn on Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:18 pm

    Rooms of Friends
    No matter how far, friends always have a place in the heart.
     
    Some are old parlor sitting rooms
    that have a rare and magical property
    of special visits and bygone times.
     
    Others: libraries of knowledge,
    guidance, and old wisdom. Rooms
    sought out in times of worry and confusion.
    Answers found as well as comfort.
     
    There are kitchens that fill the soul
    with warmth and nutrition. Feed deeply
    while you prepare for the grander meals.
     
    Meals in the Dining rooms filled
    full of jovial times, friendly debates,
    sombering experiences shared.
    Places of happiness and sorrow both.
     
    Few are bedrooms.
    Tucked away and constant.
    Living always there.
     
    The people that matter
    become home.
     
     
                                                 -Dehn

                                                   9/27/17
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    tsukany

    Posts : 615
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Wow

    Post  tsukany on Thu Sep 28, 2017 5:10 pm

    Heidi

    I wish you had spelled my name correctly at the bottom of the poem!

    Wow.  I think this is a home run.  My only nit-pick is capitalizing "Dining."  

    Well done.

    Todd

    Pat

    Posts : 665
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Yes, we have those rooms.

    Post  Pat on Fri Sep 29, 2017 4:38 pm

    I especially like the closing lines.
    Easy to follow.
    Not sure I need the word "both" at the end of Stanza 4.  I know, it's nit-picky.

    Ben Johnson
    Guest

    bygone times

    Post  Ben Johnson on Sat Sep 30, 2017 9:52 am

    I haven't seen your name here before. I will have to add it to my envy list.  I'm having to write under an assumed name so I will be kind. Some one has picked at the fourth stanza, so I will, too.
    Leave off the word "filled" when you leave off, "both."

    Very good!  I like the rhythm of the three/four stanzas. And the epilog at the bottom makes the poem. "Answers found" and "grander meals" add polish to the work.
    Good poem, realistic if you have the age.
    Dennis

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 371
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    Room Of Friends

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat Sep 30, 2017 9:41 pm

    Welcome, Heidi.  And a fine offering you bring to the mix. 
    Some small stuff:
    In S #3 it seems the poem shifts from third person to second person for one line.
    Kill "both"
    Change times to days in S #1
    In the library I looked for some words like "antique" or "heirloom" to further set the scene.

    Lovely poem.  Thank you for sharing.
    Dewell

    Heidi Dehn

    Posts : 6
    Join date : 2017-09-27

    Re: Room of Friends

    Post  Heidi Dehn on Sun Oct 15, 2017 4:35 pm

    Ben Johnson wrote:I haven't seen your name here before. I will have to add it to my envy list.  I'm having to write under an assumed name so I will be kind. Some one has picked at the fourth stanza, so I will, too.
    Leave off the word "filled" when you leave off, "both."

    Very good!  I like the rhythm of the three/four stanzas. And the epilog at the bottom makes the poem. "Answers found" and "grander meals" add polish to the work.
    Good poem, realistic if you have the age.
    Dennis


    Out of curiosity, what do you mean by "have the age"?

    Heidi Dehn

    Posts : 6
    Join date : 2017-09-27

    Re: Room of Friends

    Post  Heidi Dehn on Sun Oct 15, 2017 4:36 pm

    Thank you for the insights.

    Rooms of Friends
    No matter how far, friends always have a place in the heart.
     
    Some are old parlor sitting rooms
    that have a rare and magical property
    of special visits and bygone times.
     
    Others: libraries of knowledge,
    guidance, and aged wisdom. Rooms
    sought out in times of worry and confusion.
    Answers found as well as comfort.
     
    There are kitchens that fill the soul
    with warmth and nutrition. Feed deeply
    while preparing for the grander meals.
     
    Meals in the dining rooms
    full of jovial times, friendly debates,
    sombering experiences shared.
    Places of happiness and sorrow.
     
    Few are bedrooms.
    Tucked away and constant.
    Living always there.
     
    The people that matter
    become home.
     
     
                                                 -Dehn

                                                   10/15/17

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