Room of Friends

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Room of Friends

Post  Heidi Dehn on Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:18 pm

Rooms of Friends
No matter how far, friends always have a place in the heart.
 
Some are old parlor sitting rooms
that have a rare and magical property
of special visits and bygone times.
 
Others: libraries of knowledge,
guidance, and old wisdom. Rooms
sought out in times of worry and confusion.
Answers found as well as comfort.
 
There are kitchens that fill the soul
with warmth and nutrition. Feed deeply
while you prepare for the grander meals.
 
Meals in the Dining rooms filled
full of jovial times, friendly debates,
sombering experiences shared.
Places of happiness and sorrow both.
 
Few are bedrooms.
Tucked away and constant.
Living always there.
 
The people that matter
become home.
 
 
                                             -Dehn

                                               9/27/17

Heidi Dehn

Posts : 5
Join date : 2017-09-27

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Wow

Post  tsukany on Thu Sep 28, 2017 5:10 pm

Heidi

I wish you had spelled my name correctly at the bottom of the poem!

Wow.  I think this is a home run.  My only nit-pick is capitalizing "Dining."  

Well done.

Todd
avatar
tsukany

Posts : 526
Join date : 2011-05-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Yes, we have those rooms.

Post  Pat on Fri Sep 29, 2017 4:38 pm

I especially like the closing lines.
Easy to follow.
Not sure I need the word "both" at the end of Stanza 4.  I know, it's nit-picky.

Pat

Posts : 556
Join date : 2011-09-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

bygone times

Post  Ben Johnson on Sat Sep 30, 2017 9:52 am

I haven't seen your name here before. I will have to add it to my envy list.  I'm having to write under an assumed name so I will be kind. Some one has picked at the fourth stanza, so I will, too.
Leave off the word "filled" when you leave off, "both."

Very good!  I like the rhythm of the three/four stanzas. And the epilog at the bottom makes the poem. "Answers found" and "grander meals" add polish to the work.
Good poem, realistic if you have the age.
Dennis

Ben Johnson
Guest


Back to top Go down

Room Of Friends

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat Sep 30, 2017 9:41 pm

Welcome, Heidi.  And a fine offering you bring to the mix. 
Some small stuff:
In S #3 it seems the poem shifts from third person to second person for one line.
Kill "both"
Change times to days in S #1
In the library I looked for some words like "antique" or "heirloom" to further set the scene.

Lovely poem.  Thank you for sharing.
Dewell

Dewell H. Byrd

Posts : 321
Join date : 2012-01-05
Age : 86
Location : Central Point, OR

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Room of Friends

Post  Heidi Dehn on Sun Oct 15, 2017 4:35 pm

Ben Johnson wrote:I haven't seen your name here before. I will have to add it to my envy list.  I'm having to write under an assumed name so I will be kind. Some one has picked at the fourth stanza, so I will, too.
Leave off the word "filled" when you leave off, "both."

Very good!  I like the rhythm of the three/four stanzas. And the epilog at the bottom makes the poem. "Answers found" and "grander meals" add polish to the work.
Good poem, realistic if you have the age.
Dennis


Out of curiosity, what do you mean by "have the age"?

Heidi Dehn

Posts : 5
Join date : 2017-09-27

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Room of Friends

Post  Heidi Dehn on Sun Oct 15, 2017 4:36 pm

Thank you for the insights.

Rooms of Friends
No matter how far, friends always have a place in the heart.
 
Some are old parlor sitting rooms
that have a rare and magical property
of special visits and bygone times.
 
Others: libraries of knowledge,
guidance, and aged wisdom. Rooms
sought out in times of worry and confusion.
Answers found as well as comfort.
 
There are kitchens that fill the soul
with warmth and nutrition. Feed deeply
while preparing for the grander meals.
 
Meals in the dining rooms
full of jovial times, friendly debates,
sombering experiences shared.
Places of happiness and sorrow.
 
Few are bedrooms.
Tucked away and constant.
Living always there.
 
The people that matter
become home.
 
 
                                             -Dehn

                                               10/15/17

Heidi Dehn

Posts : 5
Join date : 2017-09-27

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Room of Friends

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum