The Last Friday

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The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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General Typical Question of interest and clarity

tsukany
tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21
  • Post n°1

General Typical Question of interest and clarity Empty General Typical Question of interest and clarity

Post  tsukany Wed Sep 25, 2019 10:37 am

Whom Did You Upset Today? 

Slightly angled, the reed does her best
to lean into the pew. To her left,

the one who two days ago was 
a flame becomes a wisp of incense.

On this Sunday morning walk, 
a crane flaps back to the pond.

--T.A. Sukany 15 Sep 2019
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renee.barger
renee.barger
renee.barger


Posts : 218
Join date : 2016-09-17
  • Post n°2

General Typical Question of interest and clarity Empty Re: General Typical Question of interest and clarity

Post  renee.barger Wed Sep 25, 2019 5:45 pm

I’m not sure I get it. Pew and “Sunday morning” put me in church, but I think we’re already at the pond that the crane flies to?
Because of your use of “she” I thought of a busybody lady in church upset about something and one of her friends is angry about a smell in church? I’m guessing I’m missing your point.
I was very intrigued by the title.
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tsukany
tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21
  • Post n°3

General Typical Question of interest and clarity Empty Helpful Feedback

Post  tsukany Thu Sep 26, 2019 8:06 am

Renee

Helpful for sure.  I will think through your comments and post another revision asap

TS
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Pat
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Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12
  • Post n°4

General Typical Question of interest and clarity Empty Interesting, but I don't get it.

Post  Pat Sat Sep 28, 2019 5:58 am

The third stanza, I follow and I like the closing with nature, going on.
The second stanza, flame?  anger?  (hot and flaming?) wisp of incense takes me to church.  Forgiveness?  
First stanza: reed? Is this a ritual in church that I do not know?  I also think of Jesus and disciples wanting to reach everyone,  forgiveness- for everyone.

I'm guessing forgiveness is given and received.  Just not sure.
I like the title.
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