Does this make sense?

Sorry I hadn't shared anything yet. I could decide what to share, and then something I saw stirred me to write. It makes sense to me, but I don't know if it will to anyone else! Haha. Let me know. Thanks!

A Story of Emotions

A well-meaning meme
laced with a dangerous connotation:
Emotions are bad.

But Jesus wept
then raised Lazerus.
His compassion acted.

Ride the wave of emotion
until the water settles into peace.
Bathe in the relief.

___________
Renee V. Barger
August 6, 2020

Good subject. 
I hear you countering the meme. 
S 2.  Check spelling of Lazarus.
I stopped at acted.  I wonder if that's the right word or maybe Lines 2 and 3 could be reversed?  

But Jesus wept.
Compassion appeared/overwhelmed/filled Him/ ?
before He raised Lazarus.
????

S 3.  Telling and I don't think you need it.  
S 2 makes your point to my way of thinking.

Rene, a scripture reference might help the reader who does not have Bible background.  An epigraph?  

I never think of memes, but they are everywhere.  My grandsons throw them at each other sometimes.  Mid-teens.

I like your point.  Emotions are okay. Everyone has them whether they express them or not.  Just how we are put together.
thanks for sharing.

I will work on your suggestions and will be back. Good stuff! Thank you!

So, I think I was trying to do too much in one poem (without enough clues to what I was trying to do I think.) So I cut stanza 3 to be its own poem. Is it still too telling?

The Change Triangle

Until waters calm,
ride the wave of emotion.
Bathe in the relief.
______________
Renee V. Barger
August 7, 2020


I'll be back with the revised original poem.

This is where I'm at... I'm worried I made it worse.


Powerful Emotions

A well-meaning meme
laced with a dangerous connotation:
Emotions are bad.

But Jesus wept
then raised Lazarus.

Yes.  I like it revised.  


The Change Triangle:  
Renee, I like the image you've created, but it's preachy to me. What makes it so is the you-inference, where you tell people what to do.  Ride. Bathe.  You is inferred, but there.  What if you put it in first or third person.  That might mean using present or past tense, but that'd be okay.

Short and pithy.  Good.

Grateful you gave these two versions to us.

Renee

I like that you changed the title from version one.

The Change Triangle (connotation to Bermuda Triangle) as a title led me to danger.  Haiku don't have titles.  The current feeling is to avoid the 5-7-5 format too (just no more than 17 syllables).  (I know, I don't understand that one; I think form is form).  Triangle implies three corners to me.  I would cut it and make a new last line that shows rather than tells:

Until waters calm
ride the wave of emotion
from an armchair

Until waters calm
ride the wave of emotion
atop a mountain

The second version of poem one:

"Emotions are Bad"

states well-meaning meme
laced with connotation

but Jesus wept

I like it from mountain top or armchair.  

Somehow this you-inference works, not sure why. Maybe it's softened by Until...., do this or that.

Until... is right on.  Riding the wave is good too.

Hang in there and play with it.  Something will fit.  Some of us rewrite for weeks and years.

Goal:  to communicate what your gut tells you in a showing way.