The Last Friday

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The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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This poem is pretty raw

tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21

This poem is pretty raw Empty This poem is pretty raw

Post  tsukany Tue Aug 23, 2022 8:25 am

And Tell Them ‘Yes’
"And the patriarchs, moved with envy, sold Joseph into Egypt"  -- Acts 7:9

The drought broke and the heavens opened 
in a luscious downpour.  Not a frog strangler, 
more like a lover’s touch.  In celebration, 

I raced into the yard, spinning and jumping 
as pools formed in the softened grass.  
Dandelions rose to attention.  The mint too. 

All was mindless bliss until the umbrella 
police appeared to video and post 
the peril of liberty.

–Todd Sukany 23 Aug 2022
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Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12

This poem is pretty raw Empty Jealousy

Post  Pat Tue Aug 23, 2022 8:55 pm

I don't get the title. And Tell Them Yes: Is the narrator saying "yes" to the jealous ones, that God is in still in charge? 
I get mindless bliss that Joseph had and mindless bliss of luscious downpour, so happy to spin and jump.
I like dandelions and mint being onlookers.
Then, the posting of the dangers of being so free....I smile at umbrella police. Judgers.
Jealous ones?  Condemning like Joseph's brothers...
Like saying, No more happy and spinning and dreaming dreams.
Stop it! We'll not have it!
The narrator is in danger, like happy Joseph was about to be sold by his brothers.
Now why do I think of Fahrenheit 451?
tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21

This poem is pretty raw Empty Waiting for Renee and Sarah

Post  tsukany Wed Aug 24, 2022 9:02 am

Pat

I will address your questions once Renee and Sarah have blasted away Smile

Thanks for the feedback.  It is helpful.

Todd
tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21

This poem is pretty raw Empty Retitled and waiting for instruction

Post  tsukany Sat Aug 27, 2022 7:57 am

The Day after the PM Announced “I Need You to Talk to Your Neighbours”

The drought broke and the heavens opened 
in a luscious downpour.  Not a frog strangler, 
more like a lover’s touch.  In celebration, 

I raced into the yard, spinning and jumping 
as pools formed in the softened grass.  
Dandelions rose to attention.  The mint too. 

All was mindless bliss until the umbrella 
police appeared to video and post 
the peril of liberty.

–Todd Sukany 23 Aug 2022
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Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12

This poem is pretty raw Empty My thoughts

Post  Pat Sat Aug 27, 2022 5:18 pm

Does PM mean Prime Minister? My best guess.  
Talk to neighbours.... rather than assuming and making up stuff?
Get to know neighbours?  
That probably fits for religions, countries, politics, etc.  
Mindless bliss until big power takes over and would have no liberty.
I thought of how polarized we are in US and against other countries too.  Also, we tend to live in neighborhoods where people think much alike.
Russia and Ukraine and small countries over there...  
Troublesome thoughts for me.
Has it always been like this?  Maybe.
Mindless bliss feels wonderful until the ugly breaks through.  
Power conflicts? Fear... probably under the power...  
Seems black and white, but it's probably gray.  
I don't know if this makes any sense or not.  Smile
tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21

This poem is pretty raw Empty You are so good

Post  tsukany Sat Aug 27, 2022 6:40 pm

Pat

PM  Prime Minister (of Canada thus the spelling of "neighbour") to be specific.  These are quotes (the former title and the current).  I hopefully will be changed by your poem this month and the power of the title.  What a lesson this month held.

You are tracking and sooooo helpful.

Thank you again.

Todd
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Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12

This poem is pretty raw Empty Glad to know I'm making some sense...

Post  Pat Sat Aug 27, 2022 8:35 pm

and that my poem was helpful to you, too. I never know how they'll end,
but I'm figuring out that good titles do help the poem to be better understood. 

Thank you!  

Your title certainly clarified for me...

Pat

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