The Last Friday

Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.
The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


3 posters

    I need help discovering the unclear areas in this offering. HELP!

    tsukany
    tsukany


    Posts : 927
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    I need help discovering the unclear areas in this offering.  HELP! Empty I need help discovering the unclear areas in this offering. HELP!

    Post  tsukany Fri Oct 26, 2012 1:19 pm

    ANOTHER TOY STORY

    The loving hands that stuff Woody into
    pigs that fly and garbage trucks, scuba’m
    in the tub, feed’m to the tall, pimpled
    T-Rex now stuff him into some leather

    sneakers on packing day. Weeks later when
    Heeenah and Unka Crease unseal boxes
    and the blue tubs, Woody, to his horror,
    discovers he is half a continent

    away—his place is the Land of Philly,
    melted cheese and Brotherly love, seven-
    teen miles from the seventy-two stones of
    the Rocky Steps. The tear-stained hands hear a

    Skype conversation and out of a bub-
    ble-packed USPS box see a wanted photo.

    --Sukany 04 Oct 2012
    avatar
    dennis20
    Guest


    I need help discovering the unclear areas in this offering.  HELP! Empty Unclear only here

    Post  dennis20 Fri Oct 26, 2012 10:05 pm

    I can visulize the small child losing Woody either when they move or end a vacation---not sure which. The other question is, does Woody discover he is half a continent away or does the child (boy, most likely but not necessarily because my granddaughter who is five has a Woody doll)  find him missing?  I'm not sure from the poem, however, I tend to like this in writing because it gives the reader the freedom to decide the ending or outcome.  I like the Philly cheese and brotherly love line.  Why did the bubble pack only contain a photo?  It should have a returned Woody. 
    avatar
    Dewell H. Byrd


    Posts : 385
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 93
    Location : Central Point, OR

    I need help discovering the unclear areas in this offering.  HELP! Empty Todd... Unclear Areas?

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd Wed Oct 31, 2012 11:05 am

    Don't know much about toy stores and had trouble with this piece. Rereading and loosening up my imagination I began to get the story line... Mostly I was captivated by your use of linebreaks and the subtle music I found in this poem. Linebreaks and punctuation... marvelous! I especially liked the irony in the end line. Dewell
    avatar
    Pat


    Posts : 1167
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    I need help discovering the unclear areas in this offering.  HELP! Empty I have only heard of Toy Story via grandchildren. However,

    Post  Pat Wed Oct 31, 2012 2:15 pm

    I use google, so I now know the basics of it. Sounds like the little boy (Andy) and his family moved (packing day) without telling the toys. And the Woody, the toy cowboy, is in shock (to his horror) to learn they are no longer in Philadelphia. i love the "72 stones away from Rocky steps." Great way for a toy to think. Sounds like Woody had been crying and wiped tears away with his hands, but can his hands hear? Might want to check the modifier? Or maybe Woody's hands hear (remember I don't know this story. ) Is that what you meant? I know what Skype is. . .so I guess someone is talking to a person in Philly via internet, moving pictures and sound. He is homesick, I'd guess. Not where he wants to be. No understanding of how this all happened. Abundant grief. Scared. That's what I take from it. The names you italicized are names I could not find, but they are the unpackers. Maybe Andy's parents? A wanted photo: okay, I don't know if it is a WANTED photo like in the old west (Woody is a cowboy) or if it is a photo of the old world, of course Woody would want it. Todd, am I even close? Is it among other things in the box? : ) I can't really tell if the photo is on Skype or right there with him in his new location. I would say bubble-wrapped instead of -packed. A little thing.

    Right now I picture Woody Hearing a conversation and seeing a photo separate from Skype. Homesick. Quatrains work for this. . . . and the last two lines just show what he is waking up to. . . . another world a half continent away, maybe Missouri? : ) Pat

    Sponsored content


    I need help discovering the unclear areas in this offering.  HELP! Empty Re: I need help discovering the unclear areas in this offering. HELP!

    Post  Sponsored content


      Current date/time is Fri Apr 26, 2024 11:39 pm