The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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Me Too Poems

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Heidi Dehn

Posts : 6
Join date : 2017-09-27

Me Too Poems

Post  Heidi Dehn on Thu Oct 26, 2017 9:28 am

So I hope its alright if I put two poems on here. 

Poem #1:

Social Battles
“Me Too”


My sisters named me warrior maiden.
My mother named me graceful.
My father taught me to wear a smile like war paint
to live in a world that would never
belong to me.



There’s constant exploits to turn my weapons
to weaknesses. Catcalling and hurling
names and slurs like a playground fight.
Social hoops to undercut my value;
Holding a funhouse mirror to my being.



The world is brainwashed for proper behavior;
sweeping shattered pieces of hearts
and humanity under the rug:
Good girls would stay quiet.
Good girls would never bring them shame.



I’d rather be the warrior my sisters named me.
                                                                                    -Dehn
                                                                                    10/26/17


Poem # 2


Girlhood Discoveries
“Me Too”


I learned a long time
ago that I could not
be swayed by the things
men said to me
about me.



To work in their world
I could not be weakened
by the inappropriate nature
that was their norm.



Even my strength was
a slight for them to use.
Not soft,
not delicate
enough.



To be desirable, I must
not be their equal.


I refuse.
I rebel.

                                                -Dehn

                                                10/26/17
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tsukany

Posts : 609
Join date : 2011-05-21

Might be easier

Post  tsukany on Sat Oct 28, 2017 9:57 am

Heidi

Might be easier to separate the poems for feedback purposes

#1  I'm not sure how to process stanza one.  Seems like the first lines setup a contrast to villainize the father.  Then the poem shifts outside the family unit.  Not sure how to put the two pictures together as a single comment.

#2  Stanza two seems abstract (what is a "norm"?  "inappropriate nature"?  I like the twist as ending.  Does the poem betray the logic of the first stanza though?

Todd

Pat

Posts : 655
Join date : 2011-09-12

Heidi - Poem 1

Post  Pat on Sat Oct 28, 2017 1:19 pm

In years to come, I wonder if the world will know what "me too" refers to.

S 2:  Not sure I need it.  However, I like the second sentence.  Some of stanza is telling.

I really like S 1 and S 3

What if you claimed Last line:   
I am the warrior......
--------------------------------------------------------

Poem two:  Looking for images and poetics.  I hear "telling" and "learned"  

If you were a reporter of what you see, what would that look like?  Show me that.

Maybe you are  a purple pansy that looks delicate, but stands strong against ice, snow, wind, there when winter melts.  Something like that (which came to me from S 3.)
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Karen

Posts : 305
Join date : 2014-10-25
Age : 64
Location : North Little Rock

Re: Me Too Poems

Post  Karen on Sun Oct 29, 2017 10:21 am

I agree with Todd, it's easier to process one poem at a time.

Heidi, a thought for both poems: perhaps try a different voice to see how that changes things. 

I think poem 2 would work well in second person, particularly if you used an extended metaphor.  Something strong that is perceived as delicate.  Second person would also enable a strong ending.

Refuse. 
Rebel.

An important (and timely) topic.  Worth the work.

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