Oh my gosh! I forgot!

It just now popped up on my screen.
I have 3 grands here.  A little distracted.  And three guests left this weekend.  Still, I will look for a poem and send it.  I so value your critiques.  I think Dewell has been dealing with smoking issues in Oregon.  (Fires)  We are jiggling, but I will send one today.

Living on the Edge

 

Between the two of them—

no beans, no cornbread,

no fried potatoes, no tomatoes—

only broth and careful thoughts.

 

Between the two of them,

steady ears and soft talk

under a starry night,

countering the long, hard day.

 

Between the two of them,

white whispers

and surprising sparks,

hearts easing out of cages.

 

A small start.

Hi Pat

What about cutting stanzas two and four?  Maybe some verb ( for "easing") that complements the "sparks"  (love it)?

Sweet image btw

Todd

I like the way th poem tightens up with the cut Todd suggests.  The shorter version really catches me with its intimacy.

What about hearts flickering out of cages?

I will look at it again after these teens go to bed. 
Pat

Smiling.  

You two know how to CUT, snip, pare down, sharpen.



Living on the Edge

 

Between the two of them—

no beans, no cornbread,

no fried potatoes, no tomatoes—

only broth and careful thoughts.

 

Between the two of them,

white whispers

and surprising sparks,

hearts flickering out of cages.

Living on the Edge

Between the two of them—
no beans, no cornbread,
no fried potatoes, no tomatoes—
only broth and careful thoughts.

Between the two of them,
white whispers
and surprising sparks,
hearts flickering out of cages.


I find this very satisfying

Me too. . . . very satisfying.  
I love this process.