The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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tsukany

Posts : 615
Join date : 2011-05-21

Joining the Party

Post  tsukany on Thu Oct 25, 2018 7:55 am

Show not Tell

The summer sun outlined your face and your poem, 
scribbled on a placard with black sharpie. We met
in the middle of a work I was reciting in the city square.

I came to you and you were a puzzle.  I am a puzzle 
because you are a poet too.  Apparently.  You seemed 
against any other form of poetry but your own.  It wasn’t 

so much that your verse was more correct than another’s, 
just that all other poems are wrong. So as you stand 
at this corner, I will continue to worship the Poet, hoping 
those before me and after will still dance to our song.

--T.A. Sukany 30 Sep 2018
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Karen

Posts : 309
Join date : 2014-10-25
Age : 64
Location : North Little Rock

Re: Joining the Party

Post  Karen on Thu Oct 25, 2018 8:55 pm

Apparently.

Todd, you're killin' me.

Lordy-mercy, can't we all just get along?  This poem made me laugh.  Thank you for posting it.

Pat

Posts : 665
Join date : 2011-09-12

Me too, laughing. . . .

Post  Pat on Sun Oct 28, 2018 2:39 pm

Okay, I'll try.

A street corner poet/ political/ evangelist?  Gosh, this is up for grabs.  Religion or poetry or politics?

Love that you capitalized Poet.  Thank you.

hoping or believing?  I wanted to separate the last line from the rest.   Last line.  I'd drop: will

I also thought of Rumi with the poem... wonder why....

So many levels.... I like that.

Thank you.

Dewell H. Byrd

Posts : 371
Join date : 2012-01-05
Age : 87
Location : Central Point, OR

Joining The Party

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sun Oct 28, 2018 3:49 pm

I like the idea that persons of differing beliefs can still "dance"...
That might be hard to do in Poetry but much more difficult in religious beliefs... I know from experience.
So I think there is a lesson to be learned in this otherwise fun poem.

Street scenes in San Francisco come to mind.

Moving that last thought into a stanza all alone might add power.

Thanks for offering this poem... Dewell

Pat

Posts : 665
Join date : 2011-09-12

I had no idea about Dewell's poem

Post  Pat on Sun Oct 28, 2018 5:32 pm

via email.

Makes this one even more delightful!   

Go Dewell.  Go Todd.
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tsukany

Posts : 615
Join date : 2011-05-21

Revision form

Post  tsukany on Mon Oct 29, 2018 10:31 am

Show not Tell

The summer sun outlined your face and your poem,
scribbled on a placard with black sharpie. We met
in the middle of a work I was reciting in the city square.

I came to you and you were a puzzle.  I am a puzzle
because you are a poet too.  Apparently. You seemed
against any other form of poetry but your own.  It wasn’t

so much that your verse was more correct than another’s,
just that all other poems are wrong. So as you stand
at this corner, I will continue to worship the Poet,

hoping those before me
and after
still dance to our song.

--T.A. Sukany 30 Sep 2018

Pat

Posts : 665
Join date : 2011-09-12

Good job. I like it.

Post  Pat on Mon Oct 29, 2018 12:07 pm

And I like the tercets. . . .

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