Trying to join this party.

Sweet Morning

 

Whiteness moves cat-like
through the valley,
pausing here and there,

     perhaps listening
    to the river below
    or crows gossiping overhead.

Dogwood aflame,
a coyote sings in the distance.
Everything, in perfect order.

    Holy and right—
    I nod to the morning.
    My heart blooms.

First, a Pat Brag.  This poet gave PRA members an engaging, interactive craft talk and critique session at our Fall Poetry Day, then topped THAT by winning the Sybil Nash Abrams Award. 

Thank you, and congratulations, Pat!

So about this poem.

This is a lovely autumn sketch.  I do want catlike rather than cat-like.  Would you consider bringing the action more decidedly to now by replacing pausing and listening with pauses and listens?

I wasn't quite ready for the poet's arrival in the last stanza, and blooms took me away from autumn.  A thought — cut the final stanza, and replace Everything, in perfect order with Everything, holy and right.

Thank you for inviting us into your morning.

and the suggestions.  Suggestions are good!

I prefer spirit instead of heart.
Coyote in the morning?  I think of them howling in evening or night... except maybe when they have pups in the spring...
Whiteness cuts a fine image for me... like that.
Indenting of stanza #2 is tricky but nice... that holds me to the poem.

This is a super poem in spite of my nit picking... Dewell

Pat,

I think Karen hit it.  My snag was "moves" this is not a cat word.

Well done

Todd

You helped me!  Here's what I now have:  

Sweet Morning
 
Whiteness slinks catlike
through the valley,
pauses here and there,
 
   listens
   to the river below
   or crows gossiping overhead.
 
Dogwood aflame,
a mole, asleep in a hole.
Everything, holy and right.

Pat

I like the revision much better.

I find the rhyme makes me go to verse rather than poetry.  (I always see "dogwoods" rather than the singular)

Todd

Small details. . . . thank you.  Easy to add an "s".  Helpful.

And oh, I did tell others in L R about our critique group and how helpful it is to my poetry.
I called it a way to get into "the arena."