The Last Friday

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The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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Needs an ending?

tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21

Needs an ending? Empty Needs an ending?

Post  tsukany Thu Jan 24, 2019 2:36 pm

Background Noise

If this were two days past Independence
Day, I would worry differently.  
                               These winds,
ripping branches from their silence,
grabbing at the ankles of doors, screens
flapping.                  But the leaves left
two months ago, a super blood wolf
moon passed just before midnight,
and no dog stays to woo the Welcome mat.

--T.A. Sukany 21 Jan 2019
Karen
Karen


Posts : 320
Join date : 2014-10-25
Age : 70
Location : North Little Rock

Needs an ending? Empty Re: Needs an ending?

Post  Karen Thu Jan 24, 2019 9:09 pm

I like the ending!  Am I clear on what's happening in the poem?  Nope.  Do I care?  Nope.  I’m enjoying the feel, the sound, and the mystery.

On the other hand, the title put me off.  I kept worrying over it, trying to force what I perceived to be its square peg into this round poem.

I don’t want Welcome capitalized.

ankles of doors …  Yes, thank you.
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Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12

Needs an ending? Empty Background Noises

Post  Pat Sat Jan 26, 2019 11:40 am

From the get-go, I'm listening for sounds because of the title.
I like welcome mat as closure.  Welcome in caps is distracting.
I like ripping, grabbing, flapping....all noises.
I wonder:  why But?  
Even the dog is out of there. 
I like it.
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Dewell H. Byrd


Posts : 385
Join date : 2012-01-05
Age : 93
Location : Central Point, OR

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Post  Dewell H. Byrd Sat Jan 26, 2019 12:51 pm

Love the sounds and images in this poem...
Not sure of the meaning...
I think it would make a powerful prologue to a much longer poem, especially a political satire piece.
Perhaps a "WALL" poem.
Dewell
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Ben Johnson
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Needs an ending? Empty Cold is scratching at the door

Post  Ben Johnson Mon Jan 28, 2019 6:36 pm

Todd.  This poem is right on schedule for our weather.  It hits tonight!  Well, except for the "super wolf blood moon" which was a few days ago.  I, too, like the "ankles" although I would have said nipping. Don't know if grabbing goes better with ankles and nipping with noses, but I would have said nipping.  Seems like nobody likes "Welcome" and me included.  How about something like: "and no dog lies against the screen door?" or something to that effect.

Good poem
Dennis
Have to be Ben for this one too

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