Very short for me...

I know every word counts in short-short poems.  Scarey.
Is the title okay? It's a little telling but describes what's happening.  ??


Passing It On
 
The bright red canna
stands tall beside the black bell
mounted on a post.
The bloom overhears
wisps of fog at the start of day
and drips sweet droplets
below into a pan of birdseed.

I think I'm struggling since I don't know flowers that well. Is a black bell a flower or a literal bell that is black?

I guess I'm a little stuck, but I'm pretty sure it's me and not the poem.

The black bell is literally a black iron bell.  Hmm.  Maybe I need iron in the line.  I see how the reader could think it's another flower.  Okay, that'll be changed. Does that take care of it for you?  I don't mean to create a puzzle.

Yes, I think iron would help.

I feel like I'm still missing something, though, so I'll just write where my brain is going.

I keep thinking the canna stands as tall as the black bell, but I am assuming the flower isn't that big.

I'm not sure how one overhears wisps. Am I missing something?

I didn't expect to read "pan of birdseed" at the end. So then I wonder if the canna was on top of the post?  

I'm not sure why I'm struggling so much with this! 

Then I'm not sure about what the title means. Passing on the water droplets?

I could see it all from a window inside the house.
The canna is as tall as the bottom of the black bell.
It was fog hovering beyond the canna and bell. 
I just connected all of them like a cycle.  
Fog, canna, droplets, bird feeder pan.
I didn't mention birds, but they'll come later 
and take whatever is in the pan.

I guess I was trying to report what I was observing, but, of course, 
I can't hear what I imagine the bloom hearing. 
The bloom is like an eavesdropper 
in my imagination.  (It may be illegal to do what I did! )  
It's a striking picture:  red against the black bell 
with fog in background.
They may drip until 10 or 11 a.m. onto the ground 
or into the pan below. Maybe it's more like a spatter. 
The bloom is so large (may be frozen tonight  ) that the drips 
do not run down the fat stem.

Pat

I was able to separate the bell and the flower (though I think Renee's suggestion is a worthy addition to the poem).

I kept waiting for the "push outside the image" to occur.  I get the scene and your explication confirmed mine.

How does the poem step outside a "photograph" to make a comment on the world?  Even in "The Red Wheelbarrow," there is a slight push outside with "So much depends."

The birdseed didn't take me there by itself.

Todd

It was just an observation. 
I think I hear you saying that it needs to go somewhere so the reader will think deeply.  
Okay.
I may get back to you on this in a day or two.
Thank you.
Pat

Passing It On
 
A bright red canna
stands tall, a bit tattered
beside the black, iron bell
mounted on a post overlooking a river.
The fog hovers near the bloom
of wordless lips
and crimson ears.
The flower drips,
passing tiny sweetness
to greenery below,
as if it’s a soft cue
on how simple things
bear something of the limitless,
the higher path.

Reading Pat's explanation of the poem, I was definitely overthinking it. I think I knew what the poem was saying, but I was doubting myself.

There's some stuff I really like in the new version:

*I like the added "a bit tattered" on the second line. I had imagined a perfect flower.
*I like added "iron" in line 3.
*I was glad to know it was overlooking a river.


I'm still processing the rest, but I wonder if "as if it's a soft cue" is too telling? 

The end of your poem made me think of C.S. Lewis's The Weight of Glory which, in part, talks about how what we experience is a glimpse at God's perfection, beauty, or glory. Is that what you were trying to do?

I am not sure if the title is helping me really, but I don't really have any complaints or any suggestions either...

I like where this is going!

What if I said "reminder" instead of soft cue?

Still too telling?

I was trying to get some depth into the poem.

Good feedback, Renee.  I thank you!

"The Higher Path" ????  or "Love"???

That's what we pass on. 

Thanks.

Passing It On
 
A bright red canna
stands tall--a bit tattered--
beside the black, iron bell
fixed to a post overlooking a river.

Fog hovers 
near the bloom
of her wordless lips
and crimson ears.

She drips,
passing tiny 
sweetness
to greenery below,
as if on soft cue. 

I'm not suggesting this is better just breaking it in places for fresh vision or confirmation of the first versions.

Todd

I like that cue is the last word too.  

Both of you, so helpful.

Thanks for pushing me to keep going with this.  
I was ready to throw it out and hand you a poem about a baby.    

I'm liking it better.  Yes.  Thank you!

I understand feeling ready to throw in the towel on some poems, but I'm glad you've stuck with it. I'm really liking where it's going!

I like how Todd changed the punctuation in stanza 1 line 2 to -- on either side of "a bit tattered". It helped me read it a little easier.

I like how he broke it up too, but I know that's your decision, Pat. I think it helped me see where new thoughts were starting.

I like how he added "her" to "her wordless lips" so that I knew it was going to bloom. It just clarified it for me.

I like the last stanza too. I like the short lines which could be the tiny drops. I like that it ends on the cue line as well. 

Maybe it was from sleeping on it or maybe it was the edits, but the title works for me now too. I get it now. I think my brain is warming back up after not looking at literary things for awhile.

Thanks for sharing this with us. I always enjoy this forum!

His eyes helped with all those details.
Yours help too.
It quickly moves a poem along when two poets look at my work.
Knowing where they struggle helps me too.
I appreciate hearing what's hard to understand and what's liked.
Thank you for taking the time to look closely at what he did with the poem. 
I think he made it better.  
Praise the Lord!  I'm not pitching it now.

I'm so happy to hear that! I think it's a beautiful poem, including the earlier versions. <3