The Last Friday

Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.
The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


3 posters
  • Post new topic
  • Reply to topic

Poem 2 putting it out there

Sarah Anne
Sarah Anne


Posts : 9
Join date : 2022-08-23

Poem 2 putting it out there Empty Poem 2 putting it out there

Post  Sarah Anne Mon Oct 24, 2022 4:07 pm

A whole state named after the lack of sexual activity of a queen.
Sarah Anne
 Living in my own Virginia
making the state laws as follows:
no one may enter cities without consulting the council of heart and mind.
Anyone who has violated such law does not have the authority to change the state of Virginia.
avatar
Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12

Poem 2 putting it out there Empty Very interesting...

Post  Pat Mon Oct 24, 2022 8:01 pm

I had to read it twice.  

Here is how I read it.  Maybe that'll be helpful to you.
Prose poem. Play on words and alliteration.  
This is definitely "outside" the box:  Virginia as the lack of sexual activity
and my own Virginia, then making your state laws.  Is this like
your body is your Virginia? heart, mind, cities?
Violators can make no changes in your land/body?
Thought provoking and deep.
I like it very much.  
If I am reading this correctly, it is a metaphor.  The whole thing is a metaphor.
I'm wondering if the first line is an epigraph??
I look forward to what Todd sees and says. 
Thank you for sharing, Sarah Anne.
tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21

Poem 2 putting it out there Empty What to do

Post  tsukany Wed Oct 26, 2022 8:59 am

Sarah Anne

If the first line/title of the poem is "A whole state named after the lack of sexual activity of a queen," then the poem directs the reader to your desired conclusion.  Without that line, I am not sure what I would have done to process the poem.

I really like the metaphor of virginity and a city.  I am not sure that invaders follow laws of the land.  Sad  

Well done.

Todd

Sponsored content


Poem 2 putting it out there Empty Re: Poem 2 putting it out there

Post  Sponsored content

  • Post new topic
  • Reply to topic

Current date/time is Mon Apr 29, 2024 6:09 am