The Last Friday

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The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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Can you follow this? It's an old story, so...

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Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12

Can you follow this? It's an old story, so... Empty Can you follow this? It's an old story, so...

Post  Pat Thu Jun 29, 2023 2:48 pm

           An Ancient Dance
 
The man spots a downtrodden beast
at an awkward party. He asks if
she’ll come sit at his table.
 
Somewhat dazed,
she shakes her head but goes on
sending him sweet smiles.
 
Naïve about her mixed message,
she suspends herself the same way
she hangs on to a broken clock.
 
He is a wolf—
looking at her with granite eyes,
nodding, backing up, propping himself
 
against a wall where he can plot
a new way to close in.
The woman remains a sheep
 
in the middle of a daydream
unable to break the spell. Still, she plays
a star part in an ancient dance.
tsukany
tsukany


Posts : 927
Join date : 2011-05-21

Can you follow this? It's an old story, so... Empty The energy spot

Post  tsukany Fri Jun 30, 2023 7:19 am

Pat

For me the man is a distraction (beginning and end).  The energy rests in S3.  The broken clock cries out for unpacking.

If you need the story (since it's an ancient one), perhaps his appearance is a cameo.  

I thought the man was going to be a type of Jesus.  Rats.  Sad

Todd
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Pat


Posts : 1167
Join date : 2011-09-12

Can you follow this? It's an old story, so... Empty Rats! :) Okay, I'll think on this one....

Post  Pat Fri Jun 30, 2023 2:12 pm

affraid 

Cameos are good.
Pat

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Can you follow this? It's an old story, so... Empty Re: Can you follow this? It's an old story, so...

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