I don't know if there's hope for this poem or not. Needs help.

Robbery
 
I sometimes fear  
     today’s children are being robbed
of the joy of knowing old souls,
     holy songs, holding hands,
healing touches.
 
Great walls are being built
     with computers, concrete, words.
Hands on keyboards are making money.
     Some never wave to neighbors,
and only a few notice the darkening road.
 
It is forgivable,
     but must children live isolated
and stay silent, unaware victims?
     Confusing when masks are worn
in the name of science.

Pat

This is a clean poem.  I wonder that it sits flat after reading.  The poem is a complete story.  Is there a way to push for the reader to contemplation?

Blessings

Todd

That may be it.  I need something to push the reader a little further maybe...toward contemplation. I'll think on it this week.  
Thank you!

Pat,

The charm of the poem is stanza one.  Perhaps you can replace S3 with a return to the joy of communion with elderly saints.

TS

idea!     Thank you! That would add "hope" too.

Do you like either one?  Trying to get the reader to think a bit.

Robbery
 
I sometimes fear  
     today’s children are being robbed
of the joy of knowing old souls,
     holy songs, holding hands,
healing touches.
 
Great walls are being built
     with computers, concrete, words.
Hands on keyboards are making money.
     Some never wave to neighbors,
and only a few notice the darkening road.
 
It is forgivable—
     I keep walking a street in this world,
wondering where we all belong.
     I pray and think I see a child drop
to her knees. Is she reaching for a cup?
 
It is forgivable—
     I walk a backroad in this world
and gaze at an old vineyard.
     A few hands in the field are pruning back
wild shoots that sap new growth of grapes.

Pat

I am not such a fan of S3 (I would use it as another poem).  But S4 is WOWZER!  I am not sure it works with this poem, but it does for me.  I think we need a fresh set of eyes to see how it rolls over a fresh reader (unfamiliar with version one of this poem).

I think I enjoy that last stanza as much as anything you've written.  Wow.  An allusion to wheat and tares, forgiveness, making sense of this path of peace.  beautiful.

Todd

I'll run it past another poet.  Thanks so much!